Five Tips on “Understanding the Complexities of Being a Black Person and a Graduate Student with Disabilities.”
Hello. My name is Adrianna A. Matthews. I am a recent graduate from The University of Texas at Austin’s Department of Theatre and Dance. I received my Master of Fine Arts degree in May 2018, in the field of Drama and Theatre for Youth and Communities. In addition, I also received a certification in Disabilities Studies from The University of Texas at Austin’s Master’s Portfolio program. Throughout my tenure attending The University of Texas at Austin as both a student and a Teaching and Project Assistant, I learned and discovered a lot about the complexities of being a black person and a graduate student with disabilities. I learned a lot about the trauma that takes place when having to negotiate between my wants, needs and desire to feel respected and valued as a black artist and wanting and needing to feel accommodated for my challenges as a student dealing and living with disabilities.
Not being able to feel like I was obtaining both goals as a black artist and a graduate student made me feel diminished and empty throughout the majority of my experience in graduate school. Taking on the new identities as a black artist with disabilities and educator with disabilities made me feel limited and self-conscious about everything that I was trying to put out in the world. I didn’t feel whole in owning either identity. I consistently questioned my abilities to make good art, my abilities to teach, and my ability to feel, overall, like I was adequately succeeding in my academic studies and desired profession to work full-time in higher education settings. I kept wondering to myself, “Why is it that I feel this way? Why is it so hard for me to accept and own these two identities? After all it’s not all of me, ‘it’s just one part of me’” (Matthews Applied Project).